Introduction 101

Hey there! I didn’t want my first blog post to be a messy rambling of all the discomforts and things gone wrong in my life today. But there are a few things I’ve kept locked inside for far too long, and the only way I feel I can combat them is to let them loose and be completely open about them to a new community.

I want to keep this short and straight to the point because I’m not exactly George Orwell in my way of words, but basically; like every human being I carry all sorts of weaknesses, such weaknesses that I never thought were ever holding me back from my day to day life. At least this was what I thought, since the dawn of the New Year it’s become deeply apparent to me that a time for change is in order. Locking my feelings and weaknesses deep inside me away from all contact can only result in me achieving nothing and further perpetuating all these problems I seek to wipe away. My main weakness driving all of this discomfort is the fact that I’ve never been one for long term commitments, rendering me incapable of completing any sort of significant task offering reward. My mind would always tell me “Hey, you’re only 17 years old; you have all the time in the world. In fact, your life has barely begun, time isn’t particularly something you’re running low on” little did I know that I’ve been deluding myself. There are so many things that I want to do, but the hard work required to reach my destination has always deterred me from even setting off on the journey. I’ve been eyeing up the destination point for almost every day of my life, envisioning the pursuits I’ll set out on and the many things I’ll accomplish when I’m there. But none of this can even be remotely possible without dedication from only myself, I’m sick of feeling like I’m incapable of completing anything, it’s time I did something about it.

First things first, I’m no beautiful specimen on the outside; I’m a bit of a fat-arse indulging myself in a little too much food with meagre amounts of exercise. Thankfully I’ve managed to stay in my current weight position for almost over a year now, supporting myself with walks to gatherings with friends, school, etc. instead of using public transport. It’s good, but it’s not good enough, I’ve fooled myself into feeling too comfortable about reaching one position and lack the willpower and capability to begin moving forward again. I want the day to come where I can look into a mirror and not see a lump of skin hanging over the waistband of my jeans, and I can make it happen. This doesn’t mean slaving myself off for hours at the gym and collapsing in a pool of sweat for days on end, but the smallest things such as workouts for 10-20 minutes a day, drinking standard daily amounts of water, and continuing to walk, which I have notably improved upon in the past couple of days. It’s a big task especially to ask of myself, but what do I have to lose? I’m fed up of waiting around for a miracle to arrive, it’s time to act.

While my weight is the largest concern, I also feel like I don’t indulge in the things I enjoy as much as I should. I would call myself an artist, as it is one of the main things I actually have a degree of skill in and always enjoy. But similarly to the whole weight situation I’m constantly stuck at square one, already enthused and supposedly content with the extent of my artistic abilities, unable to move forward and really push my skills as an artist. I want to be able to sketch in the same vein as Escher, I want to be able to photograph breath-taking women, ethereal environments, and all sorts of natural and surreal phenomena that you would catch a glimpse of scrolling down your regular dark-and-depressed Tumblr dashboard. I know I can’t achieve this overnight or even in a couple or months but as long as I persevere, it will happen. Tomorrow I am going to walk to my favourite place on the hill with my camera and my sketchbook, plug myself in to an engaging piece of music and let my mind roam free. I’m also going to start the first of many music and film reviews and whatever on this blog, I already enjoy music and film with all my heart so why not take it a step further and pour out my particular feelings about it? It’s nothing much, but it’s a first step and the sign of many steps to come, I know I can do it, and by pouring out all of this after letting it build up inside me for too long, I already feel like I’m one step of the long way there.

2013 is a new year for everyone, especially me, it’s time to make a change and overcome these weaknesses once and for all.

Peace out.