Hey there! I didn’t want my first blog post to be a messy
rambling of all the discomforts and things gone wrong in my life today. But
there are a few things I’ve kept locked inside for far too long, and the only way
I feel I can combat them is to let them loose and be completely open about them
to a new community.
I want to keep this short and straight to the point because
I’m not exactly George Orwell in my way of words, but basically; like every
human being I carry all sorts of weaknesses, such weaknesses that I never
thought were ever holding me back from my day to day life. At least this was what
I thought, since the dawn of the New Year it’s become deeply apparent to me that
a time for change is in order. Locking my feelings and weaknesses deep inside me
away from all contact can only result in me achieving nothing and further
perpetuating all these problems I seek to wipe away. My main weakness driving
all of this discomfort is the fact that I’ve never been one for long term
commitments, rendering me incapable of completing any sort of significant task offering
reward. My mind would always tell me “Hey, you’re only 17 years old; you have
all the time in the world. In fact, your life has barely begun, time isn’t
particularly something you’re running low on” little did I know that I’ve been
deluding myself. There are so many things that I want to do, but the hard work
required to reach my destination has always deterred me from even setting off
on the journey. I’ve been eyeing up the destination point for almost every day
of my life, envisioning the pursuits I’ll set out on and the many things I’ll
accomplish when I’m there. But none of this can even be remotely possible
without dedication from only myself, I’m sick of feeling like I’m incapable of
completing anything, it’s time I did something about it.
First things first, I’m no beautiful specimen on the outside;
I’m a bit of a fat-arse indulging myself in a little too much food with meagre
amounts of exercise. Thankfully I’ve managed to stay in my current weight
position for almost over a year now, supporting myself with walks to gatherings
with friends, school, etc. instead of using public transport. It’s good, but it’s
not good enough, I’ve fooled myself into feeling too comfortable about reaching
one position and lack the willpower and capability to begin moving forward
again. I want the day to come where I can look into a mirror and not see a lump
of skin hanging over the waistband of my jeans, and I can make it happen. This
doesn’t mean slaving myself off for hours at the gym and collapsing in a pool
of sweat for days on end, but the smallest things such as workouts for 10-20
minutes a day, drinking standard daily amounts of water, and continuing to
walk, which I have notably improved upon in the past couple of days. It’s a big
task especially to ask of myself, but what do I have to lose? I’m fed up of
waiting around for a miracle to arrive, it’s time to act.
While my weight is the largest concern, I also feel like I
don’t indulge in the things I enjoy as much as I should. I would call myself an
artist, as it is one of the main things I actually have a degree of skill in
and always enjoy. But similarly to the whole weight situation I’m constantly
stuck at square one, already enthused and supposedly content with the extent of
my artistic abilities, unable to move forward and really push my skills as an
artist. I want to be able to sketch in the same vein as Escher, I want to be
able to photograph breath-taking women, ethereal environments, and all sorts of
natural and surreal phenomena that you would catch a glimpse of scrolling down
your regular dark-and-depressed Tumblr dashboard. I know I can’t achieve this
overnight or even in a couple or months but as long as I persevere, it will
happen. Tomorrow I am going to walk to my favourite place on the hill with my
camera and my sketchbook, plug myself in to an engaging piece of music and let
my mind roam free. I’m also going to start the first of many music and film reviews
and whatever on this blog, I already enjoy music and film with all my heart so
why not take it a step further and pour out my particular feelings about it? It’s
nothing much, but it’s a first step and the sign of many steps to come, I know
I can do it, and by pouring out all of this after letting it build up inside me
for too long, I already feel like I’m one step of the long way there.
2013 is a new year for everyone, especially me, it’s time to
make a change and overcome these weaknesses once and for all.
Peace out.
